dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
