So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
