Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
