Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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