Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
