I'm jealous of your bromance
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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