member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
