is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
