If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
