My first STD was from a foam party
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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