I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
