Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
