She's JV to your varsity
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
