Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my sisters under your porch take her home
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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