i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
