I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
