$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
