grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
