you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
