I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
