Who wears a wallet chain?!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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