i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
