so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
