Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
