She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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