I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
