dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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