i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
