Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
