does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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