You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
