I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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