Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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