this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
