blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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