Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sponge bath it is.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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