I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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