Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
