How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
