Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
