umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
