I seem to have left my pride at pride
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
