so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
