somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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