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i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
