Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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