Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think my fart just growled at me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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