using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
