Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
