I CAN MOONWALK!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
