Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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