Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
