every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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